A Note to Young Mothers Everywhere

Let me tell you a story. Eight years ago, my husband and I adopted a pregnant teenager from foster care. In the years that have gone by, we have gained three grandchildren, one of which has some special challenges. Gary and I are not wealthy, nor are we poor, but we are broke, having spent a good deal of our resources taking care of our child and our grandchildren. I drive a 28-year-old car; my husband’s car has 300K miles on it. But we get up every day and do what we need to do to survive. We are good people.

Imagine my surprise when a random woman turned to me last night and sneered “You disgust me,” while I was shopping in Meijer. I was so taken aback that I stopped and turned around.

Excuse me?

“Publicly shaming that child like that,” she went on to say.

Wait. Rewind. What?

This has been a particularly challenging week. I have been sick. I had to pull money out of my mutual fund to pay my electric bill. I had been in the ER with a sick child and his mother until almost midnight the night before. We had taken the one kid – we call him The Destroyer due to all of the windows, TVs, tablets, and toys he has broken – to be evaluated for his behavior just to be told (again) that he is perfectly normal. Just an hour before going to Meijer to try to get into the Urgent Care because the infected lymph node on his chin is growing bigger, the other grandson (the “good one”) had a temper tantrum where he hit me, spit on me, and tried to bite me. We had done our timeouts. They had fought in the car. Before entering the store, I told the tantrum thrower that he would not be getting a soda in the store. He nagged and whined. I explained behaviors had consequences. I nearly took him to the car once. He was on his final chance in the store.

This is the behavior that the disgusted woman witnessed.

And, yes, I am pissed off by her comment. But not for me.

There is a certain freedom in being over 50 and knowing who you are as a person. I am smart. I am kind to animals. I work hard every damn day. I am doing my best. And you know what? Her comments may have angered me, but I am not ashamed of making my grandchildren respect me and treat me with dignity.

This post, however, is not for her. This post is for all the young mothers out there who are doing their best every day. If that woman had made that same comment to me when I was in my 20s, I would have been devastated.

So, I just want you to know: I see you, young mothers. I’ve got your back.

And to that lady in the Meijer store: Take your sanctimonious commentary elsewhere. Until you’ve walked a mile in my shoes you have no room to judge me.

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